Dancing With Champagne and Caviar
Because it got swallowed in the hullabaloo (what a swell word!) over at our other blog, I am giving the story Taylor and I wrote together a blog of its own. Basically, we got some ideas over at our blog (http://aftersytycd.blogspot.com/ - Please visit us! We have plenty of Benji and Donyelle related posts - from pictures, to dance clips, to ever so slightly creepy 'are they or aren't they' discussions - that have nothing to do with this crazy, though hopefully amusing, story), and decided to write this together. It was written back and forth over several posts (over the course of about 4 days, I believe), so I have kept the headings (in bold) and references to which of us wrote that section (in italics), but have taken out the non-story parts of said posts.
I apologize for any sloppiness in the story, as I'm not choosing to read it over. I know that it randomly switches from present to past tense in a few places (That's my fault, I believe, lol), and there are probably some misspelled things as well (That could really have been either of us, but I'm too lazy to read over my parts of the story, and don't feel like I should edit hers).
Just to clarify: WE'RE NOT STALKING BENJI OR DONYELLE! : D And, in case you somehow manage to have any doubts, we are also not trying to pass any of this off as true events (I'm pretty sure you'll laugh at the absurdity of such a thing once you read the story...). Also, while 'Bran' (you'll see) horrifies me, and Dmitry's shirt antics annoy us, we still love Natalie, and anyone else who may be portrayed poorly in some part of the story (except for Celine Dion, of course...). WHEN ('cause I know you wanna...) you read it, you'll hopefully understand that it's all in good humor.
Any reference (such as 'wifey' and 'gazing down Donyelle's shirt') that doesn't seem to make that much sense was most likely taken from some discussion we had at our blog, so may not be quite so funny to those who do not frequent it. Sorry for the extraordinary length of this message that merely serves to introduce the story!
In closing: I beg of you, kind readers - whether you love it, hate it, or would like to offer us the telephone number of a nicely furbished mental facility, PLEASE COMMENT! Enjoy our insanity : D !!!
~ Moose ~
'Dancing With Champagne and Caviar' Pilot Episode
America loved Benji Schwimmer and Donyelle Jones on last summer's hit 'So You Think You Can Dance'... Now, after nearly a year of anxious waiting... They're back, with their very own show. Ladies and Gentleman... I proudly to introduce you to FOX's latest television series - Dancing With Champagne and Caviar!
Before we bring out the stars, let's look once more at that amazing final episode of the second season of 'So You Think You Can Dance'!
(*A bright flash of light, and daydreamy music...*)
posted by Moose @ 3:16 PM
Dancing with Champagne and Caviar Pilot Episode 2
As the daydreamy music continues the screen fades...
Cat stand in front of Benji and Donyelle "Benji you danced Krump, Nigel said that you were brilliant and Mary says WOOOO" Donyelle you danced Contemporary and he judges said that you were great and that you really could win this competition!" "America voted and the winner of So You Think You Can Dance is..." Just then Benji screams stop stop! And he goes over to Donyelle "Donyelle I want you to know that you are my everything and it doesnt matter who wins this competition, I will love you, I want to be with you forever! Will you marry me?" Donyelle says Yes!!! Then Tahir comes busting down the door and says "Get your hands off my woman!" Tahir is holding cheese! OH NO! Benjis weakness is cheese! Benji says "NOOO Cheese, my caviar powers, *feels weaker and weaker*!" Just then Taylor, Moose and Lacey run out of the audience with hot fishsticks!
We attack Tahir with fishsticks until he leaves! Then Benji gets back on his feet! And Cat is like! OMG! Can we PLEASE finish this show I have a date with Dmirty! Everybodys like GASP! So then Cat says, yea yea Im with Dmirty. But anyway America voted and the winner is...wait...its a tie. You both have won!!" Benji grabs Donyelle and kisses her romantically! Dmirty comes up on stage with his shirt open and kisses Cat! The screen fades back. Benji and Donyelle are sitting on two chairs. Donyelle says "After the break we will show a clip from our beautiful wedding" Benji says "Make sure you stay tuned we have special guest stars, Moose and Taylor! After the break"
posted by Taylor @ 3:27 PM
'Dancing With Champagne and Caviar' Pilot Episode - PART 3
(After showing a commercial for the new line of plastic bedsheets - see my profile for further information - the daydreamy music returns)
*Shot cuts to Donyelle and Benji making out on the chairs that they pulled rather close together during the break*
Camera man - *AHEM* Rolling
*They slowly pull apart, while still displaying that glazy-eyed gaze that they do so well...*
Donyelle (facing Benji, not the camera) - Welcome back to the show. Before the break, we showed you the eventful ending to America's favorite TV series. Now, before we show you some shots of our wedding (we, like Cat, enjoy telling you that something's coming up after a break, and then making you wait another 40 minutes for it...), we'd like to share some of the experiences we had as the winners of 'So You Think You Can Dance.'
Benji (while acrobatically running around the room, and simultaneously oggling Donyelle) - As Cat continued to tell you last summer, we and our fellow contestants were competing for: $100,000 dollars, a brand new car, and a one year contract with Las Vegas' biggest show - Celine Dion's 'A New Day.' Unfortunately... that's just what we each got. We have some exciting footage of our stint with Celine Dion, and we'll show that to you right now.
(The screen fades to black and Celine Dion begins to sing... In the distance, you hear a shriek of horror and a loud clattering as one of the camera men blacks out)
*Donyelle and Benji come on screen. Donyelle's dress is made entirely of green and blue toole and bows, and is designed to make her look infinitely larger than she is. Benji, the man who seems never to be without his trusty hat, comes out adorned in a seafoam green bonnet. His clothes are shiny, sheer, and ruffled. He has his trusty cape on, and fishsticks safely stored in his bonnet... just in case. On closer inspection, one can tell that both are wearing large chunky headphones... no doubt intended to drown out the horrifying din. They prance about the stage, undoubtedly in great physical and mental anguish. Benji trotts his way over in Donyelle's direction, proceeding to slap her on the bottom, as we've seen him do oh so many times in the past. She smiles at him lovingly and, in the heat of the moment, they begin to kiss. Each one running hands through the hair (or fishstick-filled bonnet) of the other, both sets of headphones are knocked off. As Celine Dion's voice crowds their minds cruelly, the two lovers pass out, waking up a week later in the hospital. It is another month before they regain their full hearing. While knocked out, Donyelle has a dream:
Benji saunters into the room, complete with a pink and black striped shirt, faux-hawk, and eyeliner. She approaches him. He holds her from behind, subtly gazing down her shirt. Suddenly, Natalie comes into the room, sexily pursuing poor Benji, and pulling him away from his love. The room gets foggy and turns red. Donyelle, always quick on her feet, digs through her bag for something to reverse the madness. After pulling out her black belt from Vietnamese Karate, and many a steaming fishstick, she finds what she is after. Retrieving a picture of Musa, she uses one of her many super powers to propel it miles away from where she and Benji stood. Yapping, howling, and drooling, Natalie chases the photograph. Benji grabs Donyelle, dips her, and kisses her passionately.
In payment for the damage inflicted, Celine Dion gave them rather substantial severance pay, and was faced with a restraining order.*
Donyelle - More of our life after the show to come... after the break.
posted by Moose @ 3:52 PM
The Wedding O_O
As the guests take their seats Donyelle is getting her hair done and Benji is putting on his tuxedo shirt in the dressing room
Later Moose and I go around to people's chairs and hand out fishsticks...freshly baked!
The beautiful wedding music comes on.. duhn duhn duhn duhn, duhn duhn duhn duhn, duhn duhn duhn duhn duhn duhn duhn duhn duhn duhn. Suddenly the music changes to Too Much Booty! Benji is waiting at the alter and Donyelle is walking up the isle in her wedding dress(Which is Ashlee's contemporary dress). She dances up the aisle to Too Much Booty, while everybody claps along. Then Donyelle is at the alter. They say all of the to have and to hold, sickness and in health. Now its time for the rings. Benji looks for the ring and he cant find it. Then just when everyone is going crazy over the ring...Vixen knocks down the door. Her cape flying in the wind! "I have the ring" She dances up the aisle and hands the ring to Benji. Benji says "Thanks Tracy, and make sure that you stay for the reception! We have crab puffs" Vixen sits down next to Lacey,and the wedding continues...
posted by Taylor @ 7:13 PM
The Wedding... Part Deux
Happily, Nigel, who just so happens to be the priest, declares: I now pronounce you m-
*A DARK SHADOW IS CAST OVER THE GUESTS AND LOUD GASPS FILL THE ROOM*
*A FAR OFF CACKLE RESONATES, AND GLASS SHATTERS AS SOMEONE COMES FLYING THROUGH THE WINDOW*
But, no, it couldn't be! It's Brian Friedman, that very same man who haunts all our dreams... His head bobbles around (as it does in this past Wednesday's show), as he proclaims to all present, "How touching a little reunion," and, in that haunting voice of his, with the very same expression on his face that was present when he first uttered those horrifying words so many months before, "I'm crying on the inside..." Just as he is about to lunge forward to separate the lovers, his head begins to spin around, making a sickening sound as it does.
On the other side of his head is the face of none other than... Dan Karaty. That's right, everyone, my sister and I were correct... All along, they merely pretended to hate each other in a desperate attempt to conceal the fact that they are............. the same person. Just think about it: Have you ever seen the two of them together...?? No?? Why, that's because, all this time, they were secretly running off to telephone booths in order to turn their head back and forth...
Alas, the two-faced villain has returned... As all others in the room begin to run around in a blind panic, desperately trying to avoid the deadly lima beans being hurled at them by the relentless judge, Benji and Donyelle spring into action. With one loving gaze, they each pirouette, quickly adorning themselves in their superhero attire.
"You can't beat us, Brian... No, Dan! No - well, whoever you are, you mean person, you! We're getting married today, and nothing you do can stop us... We KNOW it was you who changed the format of the show... And, today? You're gonna pay for it..." exclaims a passionate Caviar Man, distraught with confusion.
He and Champagne Girl use their respective weapons, the Flaming Fishsticks and the Cantankerous Canollis, to neutralize the lima beans. "Noooooooooooooooo!!!" exclaims the villain whose true identity has yet to be revealed. He plummets to the ground as a pile of mush... Or is it mashed potatoes?
After asking the caterers to scoop up the potatoes to serve at the reception, the two victorious superheroes pirouette once more, and are immediately changed back into their previous wedding attire. Turning to a bewildered Nigel (who's seriously considering requiring far more references, as well as a thorough background check, from all applicants he intends to hire in the future), Donyelle inquires, "You were saying?"
posted by Moose @ 8:55 PM
The Wedding Part Three
After the villan becomes mushy potatoes...
"Youll never beat me! Ill be back!"
Donyelle says, yea yea whatever" As the wedding continues, Nigel says I now pronounce you...man an- WAIT! Screams Mary Murphy! Wait! "What is it?" Donyelle asks? Mary patiently waits at the end of the aisle...then too much booty comes on. Mary dances up the isle while everyone claps along. "What did you want to say Mary?" Mary who is out of breath from krumping her way up the isle, says "Tahir, he' s coming, to ruin the wedding!" Donyelle says "Not again!" Then Tahir walks through the door, in the middle of dancing up the isle he is stopped! He looks to see it was. There was a cape flying in the wind with "King of Swing" in shiny letters on the back! "OH NO!" Says Tahir! The King of Swing grabs a canolli. And pelts the canolli right at Tahir's forehead. Tahir stumbles but still doesnt fall. Lacey spins around and she turns into..duhn duhn duhn duhn! Lacey the Euro Mut. She slowly walks toward Tahir. Tahir backs up in fear. "Please Lacey, please Ill do anything just dont say it!" Lacey grabs Tahir and whispers "Im taking you out of my top 8" "NOOOO!" Tahir falls to the floor "Im melting, Im melting" As Tahir squirms away, and the superheroes take their seats once again.
Bran is waiting in the reception room. Tahir goes to the reception room and meets up with the evil Bran. "Tahir, we have work to do." "Yes, I know! The King of Swing...and La- Lac- L- I cant say it, just her name gives me nightmares!" "Tahir, spit it out! Who was it??" "It was Lacey, Lacey the Euro Mut" *GASP* "What? I thought you defeated her the night of the last show!" "Well, I didnt! I couldnt! She was armed with fishsticks!" "We have to do something about this, and fast! How are we supposed to ruin the wedding when Lacey is here?" I know what we can do, Bran!" "What?" "You said that Benji's weakness is cheese right?" "Yes" Tahir goes to the grocery store and buys 5 pounds of cheese. The cashier wonders why he bought so much cheese but her shift is almost over so she doesnt really care. Tahir goes back to the wedding and gives some of the cheese to Bran. Tahir and Bran put cheese in all of the reception food...
posted by Taylor @ 7:41 AM
The Wedding... Part Four
Meanwhile, Nigel was beginning to get restless... If only he could finish the ceremony, he would be free to go drink his tea and exuberrate his fantasticisms in peace. As the high-strung crowd began to settle down, and the King of Swing and Lacey the Euro Mut took their places by the door to keep the villains from reentering the hall, he got an idea. Suddenly, a booming voice was heard resonating inside those four walls. With all the enthusiasm he could find within him, he screamed out in anguish, "MAN AND WIFE!!! WILL YOU KISS THE BRIDE, ALREADY?!!"
Though in a somewhat unruly manner, the lovers had, alas, been legally married. After pausing to stare at Nigel in awe, they turned to face each other, once more. Finally... They kissed. And kissed again. And again. Wow, these two just can't keep their hands off each other, can they?
Everyone proceeded to the reception, anxious to consume the wonderful cuisine they'd heard word of, and especially the Bran-flavored mashed potatoes all believed to mark the end of the villain's reign. As the food was brought out by the servers, Benji gasped and collapsed... No... It couldn't be... Not CHEESE!
As the villains appeared once more, Donyelle did the custom pirouette, immediately transforming herself as Champagne Girl. Always the fast thinker, she withdrew a canolli, preparing to fight with it to the death. Yes - of course - canollis are made with ricotta cheese! Using the weapon made from the single dairy substance, save for chocolate, that the partially lactose intolerant Benji was not affected by, she surrounded her husband in a shrine of desserty goodness, shielding him from the harmful rays of cheese.
Next she withdrew her final defense... One she had acquired through her time spent as a member of the secret agency TOFU (Trainers Of Flavorless Unpleasantries)... That misunderstood creature that is soy. Immediately, the soy moved in on all food, neutralizing the dairy. Benji immediately rose as his strength was regained. Pirouetting, he joined Champagne Girl, now adorned in his official Caviar Man attire. Joining their canolli and fishsticking powers, the two drove the villains to their knees. Leaning down, they whispered something to them so as to prevent their guests from hearing the travesty. "Now... it's just the end of the line..." Caviar Man tells them sweetly, imitating the familiar song.
In response, Tahir told him, "You can see, she's a beautiful girl... She's a BEAUTIFUL girl... Suddenly I see... Suddenly I see... You're the man with whom she's meant to be." He began to cry, realizing just what he'd done to hurt the woman he loves. The two pirouetted, becoming simply Benji and Donyelle, once more. Donyelle leaned down to the villains, taking all lima beans from their persons. Without their secret sustaining power, the immortality of the two was broken, and both fell victim to their earlier fates.
Benji and Donyelle turned back to their guests, relieved that the villains had been defeated, at last. Or... had they...?? Are those mashed potatoes in the corner... twitching...??
posted by Moose @ 5:48 PM
Wedding~Part Five
As Donyelle and Benji take their first dance as husband and wife"y". The mashed potatoes start moving slightly toward Donyelles seat.
As Donyelle and Benji begin to do the electric slide...you cant feel it its electric BOOGIE OOGIE OOGIE...the mashed potatoes reach Donyelles seat, and without anyone realizing, scoops up Donyelle's black bag.
After Benji and Donyelle dance they kiss romantically and go back to take their seats. Benji pulls of Donyelle's seat and she sits down. As Benji is about to take him seat, Donyelle screams "My bag!!" Everyone in the room looks at Donyelle. She jolts out of her seats and frantically runs around te room checking under every table, but she cant find her bag. Benji looks in the corner..and lifts his eyebrow like he did in the Cha Cha intro. Cat comes out of nowhere with a mic "Very Suave!" Then she quickly runs away. She takes her seat next to her fiance Dmitry. Of course Dmirty has his shirt open...
Benji screams "Donyelle, I think I found your bag" Benji points to a trail of white mush from her chair leading into the Kitchen. As Benji walks off into the Kitchen, Donyelle stops him. "Benji what are you doing?? There is cheese in the kitchen! I should be the one to go" "Shes right, Benji, you could die if you go in there." Lacey says "okay but, be careful. I love you Donyelle" "I will Benji, I love you too" As Benji slowly lets go of Donyelles hand. Pete rushes over to comfort him.
Donyelle pirouettes (probably spelled that wrong) and turns into Champagne girl. She uses her super smell and sniffs out the fishsticks and canollis that were in her bag. She comes across one of Brians necklaces.. she bends down to pick it up. As she gets up she jumps back. Standing in front of her is Ivan. Oh, hey Ivan. she says. Hi Donyelle!. What are you doing in the kitchen? Oh nothing, just getting some more cupcakes for me and Allison, do you want to help me find them, I think they are over here in this room. Oh okay Ill help you Ivan.
Ivan leads Donyelle into a dark freezer. "Ivan, this isnt where the cupcakes are!" Ivan runs out of the room, he slams the door and locks it. Donyelle pounds on the door! "IVAN! IVAN!!! COME BACK HERE" Ivan suddenly starts morphing. Donyelle drops the necklace and stares at Ivan in shock. Ivan starts to float in the air, he cackles loudly and turns into...Bran! "Ha! You silly girl, now no one will come to save you! The doors are locked! Too bad your precious little Benji is allergic to cheese! Ha! Youll freeze to death" Donyelle tries not to panic. She decides to use her powers to burn open the lock. But its no use. Her powers are affected by the freezing temperatures. She curls up and tries to get warm. Donyelle waits for someone to save her...
posted by Taylor @ 8:07 PM
The Wedding... Part Six, But Who Really Keeps Track...??
Donyelle shivers, willing herself not to cry. The last thing she needs is to have icicles on her face... As she shudders, she looses her balance and tumbles over, knocking something over... Something that made a peculiar sound... She investigates. She finds it was a box, with a rather flamboyant picture on the front:
She picks the box up, discovering the warmth it provides. Tearing it open, she is startled when Taylor and Moose come bounding out of the box, armed with their ever-flaming fishsticks. She looks at the two quizzically, and they say, "Fishstick Friends, not food!" Why? Because I just watched Finding Nemo.
Donyelle takes this as a sign. Sure, she could sustain herself on the food for a day or two, but nobody could rescue her after that. Her beloved Caviar Man, she reasons, is the only superhero powerful enough to get past the villains and open the door, and he's allergic to cheese! The protective barrier she built for him from canollis would not protect him unless he stayed within it at all times. No, she must get herself out of this mess. She picks up a fishstick, joining the two Benjelle fanatics, and determines to break free of her icy bondage.
Meanwhile...
"What could be taking her so long?!!" raves an anxious Benji, in fear for his wifey. Suddenly, he makes a decision, and goes after her. He bounds into the kitchen, only to be met with... cheese. He kneels to the floor, weakened.
Bran drops from the ceiling in the form of none other than... Natalie. He grabs Benji, and kisses passionately, all the while slipping cheese into his opponent's pocket...
Donyelle, managed, with the help of the loverly Taylor and majestic (it's a class joke) Moose, to successfully blow through the door, using the gunpowder she happened to find in the freezer and the limitlessly powerful Flaming Fishsticks. As she emerges from the locker, she sees Natalie with her husband. Gasping, and shaking her head no, she backs up, tripping over something in her path and falling backward. She realizes she has hit something far softer than the cold tile floor. Bewildered, she looks around, realizing that - no - it couldn't be. She quickly jolts up from the unconscious Benji's lap, her gaze snapping back to where she had just seen the two kissing. As she watches them, the two forms transform into Bran and an accomplice... Yes, it's the video editor who cut the kiss from the tape for the July 19th episode of So You Think You Can Dance!
Realizing she was tricked, Donyelle looks around frantically for anything to help bring Benji back to consciousness. She sees it - her bag, the very thing she had just tripped over. Snatching it up, she withdraws her necessary materials, surrounding him with as many canollis as she could find in a desperate attempt to stall the effects of the cheese. Getting an idea, she begins to stuff his clothes with the delicious dessert items. As she comes to his pocket, she is surprised to find it full. She pulls out the cheese, throwing it across the room in horror. Benji awakes with a jolt, pirouettes and grabs fishsticks from Donyelle's bag. She does the same, having to settle for the fishsticks after sacrificing all her canollis to her husband's cause. Together, Caviar Man and Champagne Girl prepare to face their enemies... The four meet in one final battle...
posted by Moose @ 10:06 PM
The Wedding part Seven!! duhn duhn duhn... Final Battle
As Donyelle and Benji grab their fishsticks and prepare for battle
Bran and the very evil Video Editing Guy start morphing together, to form a big, floating, head bobbling, spikey haired, fangirl heart crushing monster!
Donyelle and Benji fly through the air and slam hot fishsticks into the villans eyes. AHHH it burns Brian and Dan say in unicen. Branitor...yes Bran and Video editor... rips off one of its shiney necklaces and throws it at Benji's arm with all the strength it had. The necklace slices into Benji's arm. AAGGHHH! He screams in agony! Donyelle looks at her husband and looks at Branitor, she squints her eyes and perpares to use her special move.
She jumps into the air and flys toward Branitor and performs...The Vietnamese Fighting Waltz... she chokes Branitor and kicks him in his stomach. But Branitor starts bobbling his head, it bobbles and bobbles and it wont stop! Branitor lets out a loud roar! It grabs Donyelle and holds her in the air. "NOOO!" She screams. "Benji!!" Benji looks up and sees his wife dangling in the air. He grabs his arm and looks around for his fishsticks. He looks over at Branitor and sees his fishsticks in the hands of Branitor. He thought about what he was going to do. The fishticks were gone and the canollis were the only thing keeping him safe.
As Donyelle screams once more, he starts taking canollis off of the shield and throws them at Branitor, Branitor drops Donyelle and grips his hands in pain. Donyelle falls out of Branitors hands. Benji runs over to Donyelle and catches her.
They unite their FFF rings and a very nice image jumps out of their rings.
The shining shield gives off a bright orange mist, that begins to enter Champagne Girl and Caviar Man's bodys. They both start to float up, and they are surrounded in an orange glow. They join their hands together and they both backflip over to Branitor. They fly up to Branitor and they give him one big punch right in the face. The evil villans body starts to shake and it blows up into pieces and an orange glow shines brightly throughout the whole reception room. Champagne Girl and Caviar Man shield their eyes.
They look up and see Branitors necklaces on the floor. They look at each other...they had finally defeated Branitor
posted by Taylor @ 6:16 AM
The Wedding... Part EIGHT!!!
Benji uses the Flaming Fishsticks to mend his arm, and all is well. This time, no part of Bran is twitching fiendishly. The two leave the kitchen and reenter the reception hall, only to discover that all their guests have left. Well, all save for four... The King of Swing, Lacey the Euro Mut, Taylor, and Moose. These four soon leave, as well, in the interest of giving the couple some... privacy. Now alone, Benji and Donyelle rejoice... And kiss... On television. They live happily ever after.
posted by Moose @ 1:08 PM
I apologize for any sloppiness in the story, as I'm not choosing to read it over. I know that it randomly switches from present to past tense in a few places (That's my fault, I believe, lol), and there are probably some misspelled things as well (That could really have been either of us, but I'm too lazy to read over my parts of the story, and don't feel like I should edit hers).
Just to clarify: WE'RE NOT STALKING BENJI OR DONYELLE! : D And, in case you somehow manage to have any doubts, we are also not trying to pass any of this off as true events (I'm pretty sure you'll laugh at the absurdity of such a thing once you read the story...). Also, while 'Bran' (you'll see) horrifies me, and Dmitry's shirt antics annoy us, we still love Natalie, and anyone else who may be portrayed poorly in some part of the story (except for Celine Dion, of course...). WHEN ('cause I know you wanna...) you read it, you'll hopefully understand that it's all in good humor.
Any reference (such as 'wifey' and 'gazing down Donyelle's shirt') that doesn't seem to make that much sense was most likely taken from some discussion we had at our blog, so may not be quite so funny to those who do not frequent it. Sorry for the extraordinary length of this message that merely serves to introduce the story!
In closing: I beg of you, kind readers - whether you love it, hate it, or would like to offer us the telephone number of a nicely furbished mental facility, PLEASE COMMENT! Enjoy our insanity : D !!!
~ Moose ~
'Dancing With Champagne and Caviar' Pilot Episode
America loved Benji Schwimmer and Donyelle Jones on last summer's hit 'So You Think You Can Dance'... Now, after nearly a year of anxious waiting... They're back, with their very own show. Ladies and Gentleman... I proudly to introduce you to FOX's latest television series - Dancing With Champagne and Caviar!
Before we bring out the stars, let's look once more at that amazing final episode of the second season of 'So You Think You Can Dance'!
(*A bright flash of light, and daydreamy music...*)
posted by Moose @ 3:16 PM
Dancing with Champagne and Caviar Pilot Episode 2
As the daydreamy music continues the screen fades...
Cat stand in front of Benji and Donyelle "Benji you danced Krump, Nigel said that you were brilliant and Mary says WOOOO" Donyelle you danced Contemporary and he judges said that you were great and that you really could win this competition!" "America voted and the winner of So You Think You Can Dance is..." Just then Benji screams stop stop! And he goes over to Donyelle "Donyelle I want you to know that you are my everything and it doesnt matter who wins this competition, I will love you, I want to be with you forever! Will you marry me?" Donyelle says Yes!!! Then Tahir comes busting down the door and says "Get your hands off my woman!" Tahir is holding cheese! OH NO! Benjis weakness is cheese! Benji says "NOOO Cheese, my caviar powers, *feels weaker and weaker*!" Just then Taylor, Moose and Lacey run out of the audience with hot fishsticks!
We attack Tahir with fishsticks until he leaves! Then Benji gets back on his feet! And Cat is like! OMG! Can we PLEASE finish this show I have a date with Dmirty! Everybodys like GASP! So then Cat says, yea yea Im with Dmirty. But anyway America voted and the winner is...wait...its a tie. You both have won!!" Benji grabs Donyelle and kisses her romantically! Dmirty comes up on stage with his shirt open and kisses Cat! The screen fades back. Benji and Donyelle are sitting on two chairs. Donyelle says "After the break we will show a clip from our beautiful wedding" Benji says "Make sure you stay tuned we have special guest stars, Moose and Taylor! After the break"
posted by Taylor @ 3:27 PM
'Dancing With Champagne and Caviar' Pilot Episode - PART 3
(After showing a commercial for the new line of plastic bedsheets - see my profile for further information - the daydreamy music returns)
*Shot cuts to Donyelle and Benji making out on the chairs that they pulled rather close together during the break*
Camera man - *AHEM* Rolling
*They slowly pull apart, while still displaying that glazy-eyed gaze that they do so well...*
Donyelle (facing Benji, not the camera) - Welcome back to the show. Before the break, we showed you the eventful ending to America's favorite TV series. Now, before we show you some shots of our wedding (we, like Cat, enjoy telling you that something's coming up after a break, and then making you wait another 40 minutes for it...), we'd like to share some of the experiences we had as the winners of 'So You Think You Can Dance.'
Benji (while acrobatically running around the room, and simultaneously oggling Donyelle) - As Cat continued to tell you last summer, we and our fellow contestants were competing for: $100,000 dollars, a brand new car, and a one year contract with Las Vegas' biggest show - Celine Dion's 'A New Day.' Unfortunately... that's just what we each got. We have some exciting footage of our stint with Celine Dion, and we'll show that to you right now.
(The screen fades to black and Celine Dion begins to sing... In the distance, you hear a shriek of horror and a loud clattering as one of the camera men blacks out)
*Donyelle and Benji come on screen. Donyelle's dress is made entirely of green and blue toole and bows, and is designed to make her look infinitely larger than she is. Benji, the man who seems never to be without his trusty hat, comes out adorned in a seafoam green bonnet. His clothes are shiny, sheer, and ruffled. He has his trusty cape on, and fishsticks safely stored in his bonnet... just in case. On closer inspection, one can tell that both are wearing large chunky headphones... no doubt intended to drown out the horrifying din. They prance about the stage, undoubtedly in great physical and mental anguish. Benji trotts his way over in Donyelle's direction, proceeding to slap her on the bottom, as we've seen him do oh so many times in the past. She smiles at him lovingly and, in the heat of the moment, they begin to kiss. Each one running hands through the hair (or fishstick-filled bonnet) of the other, both sets of headphones are knocked off. As Celine Dion's voice crowds their minds cruelly, the two lovers pass out, waking up a week later in the hospital. It is another month before they regain their full hearing. While knocked out, Donyelle has a dream:
Benji saunters into the room, complete with a pink and black striped shirt, faux-hawk, and eyeliner. She approaches him. He holds her from behind, subtly gazing down her shirt. Suddenly, Natalie comes into the room, sexily pursuing poor Benji, and pulling him away from his love. The room gets foggy and turns red. Donyelle, always quick on her feet, digs through her bag for something to reverse the madness. After pulling out her black belt from Vietnamese Karate, and many a steaming fishstick, she finds what she is after. Retrieving a picture of Musa, she uses one of her many super powers to propel it miles away from where she and Benji stood. Yapping, howling, and drooling, Natalie chases the photograph. Benji grabs Donyelle, dips her, and kisses her passionately.
In payment for the damage inflicted, Celine Dion gave them rather substantial severance pay, and was faced with a restraining order.*
Donyelle - More of our life after the show to come... after the break.
posted by Moose @ 3:52 PM
The Wedding O_O
As the guests take their seats Donyelle is getting her hair done and Benji is putting on his tuxedo shirt in the dressing room
Later Moose and I go around to people's chairs and hand out fishsticks...freshly baked!
The beautiful wedding music comes on.. duhn duhn duhn duhn, duhn duhn duhn duhn, duhn duhn duhn duhn duhn duhn duhn duhn duhn duhn. Suddenly the music changes to Too Much Booty! Benji is waiting at the alter and Donyelle is walking up the isle in her wedding dress(Which is Ashlee's contemporary dress). She dances up the aisle to Too Much Booty, while everybody claps along. Then Donyelle is at the alter. They say all of the to have and to hold, sickness and in health. Now its time for the rings. Benji looks for the ring and he cant find it. Then just when everyone is going crazy over the ring...Vixen knocks down the door. Her cape flying in the wind! "I have the ring" She dances up the aisle and hands the ring to Benji. Benji says "Thanks Tracy, and make sure that you stay for the reception! We have crab puffs" Vixen sits down next to Lacey,and the wedding continues...
posted by Taylor @ 7:13 PM
The Wedding... Part Deux
Happily, Nigel, who just so happens to be the priest, declares: I now pronounce you m-
*A DARK SHADOW IS CAST OVER THE GUESTS AND LOUD GASPS FILL THE ROOM*
*A FAR OFF CACKLE RESONATES, AND GLASS SHATTERS AS SOMEONE COMES FLYING THROUGH THE WINDOW*
But, no, it couldn't be! It's Brian Friedman, that very same man who haunts all our dreams... His head bobbles around (as it does in this past Wednesday's show), as he proclaims to all present, "How touching a little reunion," and, in that haunting voice of his, with the very same expression on his face that was present when he first uttered those horrifying words so many months before, "I'm crying on the inside..." Just as he is about to lunge forward to separate the lovers, his head begins to spin around, making a sickening sound as it does.
On the other side of his head is the face of none other than... Dan Karaty. That's right, everyone, my sister and I were correct... All along, they merely pretended to hate each other in a desperate attempt to conceal the fact that they are............. the same person. Just think about it: Have you ever seen the two of them together...?? No?? Why, that's because, all this time, they were secretly running off to telephone booths in order to turn their head back and forth...
Alas, the two-faced villain has returned... As all others in the room begin to run around in a blind panic, desperately trying to avoid the deadly lima beans being hurled at them by the relentless judge, Benji and Donyelle spring into action. With one loving gaze, they each pirouette, quickly adorning themselves in their superhero attire.
"You can't beat us, Brian... No, Dan! No - well, whoever you are, you mean person, you! We're getting married today, and nothing you do can stop us... We KNOW it was you who changed the format of the show... And, today? You're gonna pay for it..." exclaims a passionate Caviar Man, distraught with confusion.
He and Champagne Girl use their respective weapons, the Flaming Fishsticks and the Cantankerous Canollis, to neutralize the lima beans. "Noooooooooooooooo!!!" exclaims the villain whose true identity has yet to be revealed. He plummets to the ground as a pile of mush... Or is it mashed potatoes?
After asking the caterers to scoop up the potatoes to serve at the reception, the two victorious superheroes pirouette once more, and are immediately changed back into their previous wedding attire. Turning to a bewildered Nigel (who's seriously considering requiring far more references, as well as a thorough background check, from all applicants he intends to hire in the future), Donyelle inquires, "You were saying?"
posted by Moose @ 8:55 PM
The Wedding Part Three
After the villan becomes mushy potatoes...
"Youll never beat me! Ill be back!"
Donyelle says, yea yea whatever" As the wedding continues, Nigel says I now pronounce you...man an- WAIT! Screams Mary Murphy! Wait! "What is it?" Donyelle asks? Mary patiently waits at the end of the aisle...then too much booty comes on. Mary dances up the isle while everyone claps along. "What did you want to say Mary?" Mary who is out of breath from krumping her way up the isle, says "Tahir, he' s coming, to ruin the wedding!" Donyelle says "Not again!" Then Tahir walks through the door, in the middle of dancing up the isle he is stopped! He looks to see it was. There was a cape flying in the wind with "King of Swing" in shiny letters on the back! "OH NO!" Says Tahir! The King of Swing grabs a canolli. And pelts the canolli right at Tahir's forehead. Tahir stumbles but still doesnt fall. Lacey spins around and she turns into..duhn duhn duhn duhn! Lacey the Euro Mut. She slowly walks toward Tahir. Tahir backs up in fear. "Please Lacey, please Ill do anything just dont say it!" Lacey grabs Tahir and whispers "Im taking you out of my top 8" "NOOOO!" Tahir falls to the floor "Im melting, Im melting" As Tahir squirms away, and the superheroes take their seats once again.
Bran is waiting in the reception room. Tahir goes to the reception room and meets up with the evil Bran. "Tahir, we have work to do." "Yes, I know! The King of Swing...and La- Lac- L- I cant say it, just her name gives me nightmares!" "Tahir, spit it out! Who was it??" "It was Lacey, Lacey the Euro Mut" *GASP* "What? I thought you defeated her the night of the last show!" "Well, I didnt! I couldnt! She was armed with fishsticks!" "We have to do something about this, and fast! How are we supposed to ruin the wedding when Lacey is here?" I know what we can do, Bran!" "What?" "You said that Benji's weakness is cheese right?" "Yes" Tahir goes to the grocery store and buys 5 pounds of cheese. The cashier wonders why he bought so much cheese but her shift is almost over so she doesnt really care. Tahir goes back to the wedding and gives some of the cheese to Bran. Tahir and Bran put cheese in all of the reception food...
posted by Taylor @ 7:41 AM
The Wedding... Part Four
Meanwhile, Nigel was beginning to get restless... If only he could finish the ceremony, he would be free to go drink his tea and exuberrate his fantasticisms in peace. As the high-strung crowd began to settle down, and the King of Swing and Lacey the Euro Mut took their places by the door to keep the villains from reentering the hall, he got an idea. Suddenly, a booming voice was heard resonating inside those four walls. With all the enthusiasm he could find within him, he screamed out in anguish, "MAN AND WIFE!!! WILL YOU KISS THE BRIDE, ALREADY?!!"
Though in a somewhat unruly manner, the lovers had, alas, been legally married. After pausing to stare at Nigel in awe, they turned to face each other, once more. Finally... They kissed. And kissed again. And again. Wow, these two just can't keep their hands off each other, can they?
Everyone proceeded to the reception, anxious to consume the wonderful cuisine they'd heard word of, and especially the Bran-flavored mashed potatoes all believed to mark the end of the villain's reign. As the food was brought out by the servers, Benji gasped and collapsed... No... It couldn't be... Not CHEESE!
As the villains appeared once more, Donyelle did the custom pirouette, immediately transforming herself as Champagne Girl. Always the fast thinker, she withdrew a canolli, preparing to fight with it to the death. Yes - of course - canollis are made with ricotta cheese! Using the weapon made from the single dairy substance, save for chocolate, that the partially lactose intolerant Benji was not affected by, she surrounded her husband in a shrine of desserty goodness, shielding him from the harmful rays of cheese.
Next she withdrew her final defense... One she had acquired through her time spent as a member of the secret agency TOFU (Trainers Of Flavorless Unpleasantries)... That misunderstood creature that is soy. Immediately, the soy moved in on all food, neutralizing the dairy. Benji immediately rose as his strength was regained. Pirouetting, he joined Champagne Girl, now adorned in his official Caviar Man attire. Joining their canolli and fishsticking powers, the two drove the villains to their knees. Leaning down, they whispered something to them so as to prevent their guests from hearing the travesty. "Now... it's just the end of the line..." Caviar Man tells them sweetly, imitating the familiar song.
In response, Tahir told him, "You can see, she's a beautiful girl... She's a BEAUTIFUL girl... Suddenly I see... Suddenly I see... You're the man with whom she's meant to be." He began to cry, realizing just what he'd done to hurt the woman he loves. The two pirouetted, becoming simply Benji and Donyelle, once more. Donyelle leaned down to the villains, taking all lima beans from their persons. Without their secret sustaining power, the immortality of the two was broken, and both fell victim to their earlier fates.
Benji and Donyelle turned back to their guests, relieved that the villains had been defeated, at last. Or... had they...?? Are those mashed potatoes in the corner... twitching...??
posted by Moose @ 5:48 PM
Wedding~Part Five
As Donyelle and Benji take their first dance as husband and wife"y". The mashed potatoes start moving slightly toward Donyelles seat.
As Donyelle and Benji begin to do the electric slide...you cant feel it its electric BOOGIE OOGIE OOGIE...the mashed potatoes reach Donyelles seat, and without anyone realizing, scoops up Donyelle's black bag.
After Benji and Donyelle dance they kiss romantically and go back to take their seats. Benji pulls of Donyelle's seat and she sits down. As Benji is about to take him seat, Donyelle screams "My bag!!" Everyone in the room looks at Donyelle. She jolts out of her seats and frantically runs around te room checking under every table, but she cant find her bag. Benji looks in the corner..and lifts his eyebrow like he did in the Cha Cha intro. Cat comes out of nowhere with a mic "Very Suave!" Then she quickly runs away. She takes her seat next to her fiance Dmitry. Of course Dmirty has his shirt open...
Benji screams "Donyelle, I think I found your bag" Benji points to a trail of white mush from her chair leading into the Kitchen. As Benji walks off into the Kitchen, Donyelle stops him. "Benji what are you doing?? There is cheese in the kitchen! I should be the one to go" "Shes right, Benji, you could die if you go in there." Lacey says "okay but, be careful. I love you Donyelle" "I will Benji, I love you too" As Benji slowly lets go of Donyelles hand. Pete rushes over to comfort him.
Donyelle pirouettes (probably spelled that wrong) and turns into Champagne girl. She uses her super smell and sniffs out the fishsticks and canollis that were in her bag. She comes across one of Brians necklaces.. she bends down to pick it up. As she gets up she jumps back. Standing in front of her is Ivan. Oh, hey Ivan. she says. Hi Donyelle!. What are you doing in the kitchen? Oh nothing, just getting some more cupcakes for me and Allison, do you want to help me find them, I think they are over here in this room. Oh okay Ill help you Ivan.
Ivan leads Donyelle into a dark freezer. "Ivan, this isnt where the cupcakes are!" Ivan runs out of the room, he slams the door and locks it. Donyelle pounds on the door! "IVAN! IVAN!!! COME BACK HERE" Ivan suddenly starts morphing. Donyelle drops the necklace and stares at Ivan in shock. Ivan starts to float in the air, he cackles loudly and turns into...Bran! "Ha! You silly girl, now no one will come to save you! The doors are locked! Too bad your precious little Benji is allergic to cheese! Ha! Youll freeze to death" Donyelle tries not to panic. She decides to use her powers to burn open the lock. But its no use. Her powers are affected by the freezing temperatures. She curls up and tries to get warm. Donyelle waits for someone to save her...
posted by Taylor @ 8:07 PM
The Wedding... Part Six, But Who Really Keeps Track...??
Donyelle shivers, willing herself not to cry. The last thing she needs is to have icicles on her face... As she shudders, she looses her balance and tumbles over, knocking something over... Something that made a peculiar sound... She investigates. She finds it was a box, with a rather flamboyant picture on the front:
She picks the box up, discovering the warmth it provides. Tearing it open, she is startled when Taylor and Moose come bounding out of the box, armed with their ever-flaming fishsticks. She looks at the two quizzically, and they say, "Fishstick Friends, not food!" Why? Because I just watched Finding Nemo.
Donyelle takes this as a sign. Sure, she could sustain herself on the food for a day or two, but nobody could rescue her after that. Her beloved Caviar Man, she reasons, is the only superhero powerful enough to get past the villains and open the door, and he's allergic to cheese! The protective barrier she built for him from canollis would not protect him unless he stayed within it at all times. No, she must get herself out of this mess. She picks up a fishstick, joining the two Benjelle fanatics, and determines to break free of her icy bondage.
Meanwhile...
"What could be taking her so long?!!" raves an anxious Benji, in fear for his wifey. Suddenly, he makes a decision, and goes after her. He bounds into the kitchen, only to be met with... cheese. He kneels to the floor, weakened.
Bran drops from the ceiling in the form of none other than... Natalie. He grabs Benji, and kisses passionately, all the while slipping cheese into his opponent's pocket...
Donyelle, managed, with the help of the loverly Taylor and majestic (it's a class joke) Moose, to successfully blow through the door, using the gunpowder she happened to find in the freezer and the limitlessly powerful Flaming Fishsticks. As she emerges from the locker, she sees Natalie with her husband. Gasping, and shaking her head no, she backs up, tripping over something in her path and falling backward. She realizes she has hit something far softer than the cold tile floor. Bewildered, she looks around, realizing that - no - it couldn't be. She quickly jolts up from the unconscious Benji's lap, her gaze snapping back to where she had just seen the two kissing. As she watches them, the two forms transform into Bran and an accomplice... Yes, it's the video editor who cut the kiss from the tape for the July 19th episode of So You Think You Can Dance!
Realizing she was tricked, Donyelle looks around frantically for anything to help bring Benji back to consciousness. She sees it - her bag, the very thing she had just tripped over. Snatching it up, she withdraws her necessary materials, surrounding him with as many canollis as she could find in a desperate attempt to stall the effects of the cheese. Getting an idea, she begins to stuff his clothes with the delicious dessert items. As she comes to his pocket, she is surprised to find it full. She pulls out the cheese, throwing it across the room in horror. Benji awakes with a jolt, pirouettes and grabs fishsticks from Donyelle's bag. She does the same, having to settle for the fishsticks after sacrificing all her canollis to her husband's cause. Together, Caviar Man and Champagne Girl prepare to face their enemies... The four meet in one final battle...
posted by Moose @ 10:06 PM
The Wedding part Seven!! duhn duhn duhn... Final Battle
As Donyelle and Benji grab their fishsticks and prepare for battle
Bran and the very evil Video Editing Guy start morphing together, to form a big, floating, head bobbling, spikey haired, fangirl heart crushing monster!
Donyelle and Benji fly through the air and slam hot fishsticks into the villans eyes. AHHH it burns Brian and Dan say in unicen. Branitor...yes Bran and Video editor... rips off one of its shiney necklaces and throws it at Benji's arm with all the strength it had. The necklace slices into Benji's arm. AAGGHHH! He screams in agony! Donyelle looks at her husband and looks at Branitor, she squints her eyes and perpares to use her special move.
She jumps into the air and flys toward Branitor and performs...The Vietnamese Fighting Waltz... she chokes Branitor and kicks him in his stomach. But Branitor starts bobbling his head, it bobbles and bobbles and it wont stop! Branitor lets out a loud roar! It grabs Donyelle and holds her in the air. "NOOO!" She screams. "Benji!!" Benji looks up and sees his wife dangling in the air. He grabs his arm and looks around for his fishsticks. He looks over at Branitor and sees his fishsticks in the hands of Branitor. He thought about what he was going to do. The fishticks were gone and the canollis were the only thing keeping him safe.
As Donyelle screams once more, he starts taking canollis off of the shield and throws them at Branitor, Branitor drops Donyelle and grips his hands in pain. Donyelle falls out of Branitors hands. Benji runs over to Donyelle and catches her.
They unite their FFF rings and a very nice image jumps out of their rings.
The shining shield gives off a bright orange mist, that begins to enter Champagne Girl and Caviar Man's bodys. They both start to float up, and they are surrounded in an orange glow. They join their hands together and they both backflip over to Branitor. They fly up to Branitor and they give him one big punch right in the face. The evil villans body starts to shake and it blows up into pieces and an orange glow shines brightly throughout the whole reception room. Champagne Girl and Caviar Man shield their eyes.
They look up and see Branitors necklaces on the floor. They look at each other...they had finally defeated Branitor
posted by Taylor @ 6:16 AM
The Wedding... Part EIGHT!!!
Benji uses the Flaming Fishsticks to mend his arm, and all is well. This time, no part of Bran is twitching fiendishly. The two leave the kitchen and reenter the reception hall, only to discover that all their guests have left. Well, all save for four... The King of Swing, Lacey the Euro Mut, Taylor, and Moose. These four soon leave, as well, in the interest of giving the couple some... privacy. Now alone, Benji and Donyelle rejoice... And kiss... On television. They live happily ever after.
posted by Moose @ 1:08 PM
posted by Moose | 12:38 AM
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